Are You the Adult You Thought You Would Become?

Wesley Henderson
Jun 26
5 min read

Updated: Jul 10

When we were younger, many of us had a vision of what adulthood would look like.

We thought we would have the career, the house, the car, the money, the confidence, the love life, the family, the freedom, and the peace. By a certain age, we imagined we would have it all figured out. We pictured ourselves as the adults we saw on television, the adults our parents hoped we would become, or the adults we created in our minds just to survive where we came from.

But then life happened.

We grew up. We made choices. We made mistakes. We won some battles and lost others. At some point, many of us looked around and asked ourselves, “Is this the life I thought I would have?”

What We Were Taught Growing Up

For many of us raised in Black households, we were taught to be strong before we learned how to be honest about our feelings. We were taught to work hard, stay out of trouble, go to school, respect our elders, keep our business private, and never let anyone see us fall apart.

Those lessons helped many of us survive.

But survival and happiness are not always the same thing.

A lot of us learned how to push through, but not how to rest. We were taught how to make it happen, but not always how to ask for help. We learned to keep going, but not how to process pain. We were taught to be responsible, but not always how to be emotionally free.

As adults, we realize that some of what we were taught built us up, while some kept us silent.

Education, Dreams, and the Pressure to Become Somebody

In many Black households, education was pushed as the way out. Go to school. Get good grades. Go to college. Get a good job. Make your family proud.

For some, that path worked. For others, life was not that simple.

Maybe you went to school and still struggled. Maybe you didn’t finish. Perhaps you chose a career because it sounded responsible, not because it made you happy. Maybe you became successful but still feel unfulfilled. Maybe you are still trying to figure out what your purpose really is.

The pressure to “become somebody” can be heavy. You carry your own dreams and the expectations of everyone who came before you.

Sometimes adulthood teaches you that success is not just about titles, degrees, or how much money you make. Sometimes success is being able to breathe. Sometimes it’s having peace in your home. Sometimes it’s no longer betraying yourself just to make others proud.

Financial Literacy and What We Did Not Know

Many of us were told to get a job, pay bills, and save money.

But were we taught how money really works?

Were we taught about credit, investing, ownership, life insurance, retirement, taxes, assets, debt, budgeting, or building wealth? Were we taught how to make money work for us instead of always working for money?

A lot of us entered adulthood with responsibilities before we had financial education. We learned by struggling. We learned by overdrafting. We learned by making poor credit decisions. We learned by helping family when we could barely help ourselves. We learned by watching bills pile up while still having to show up like everything was fine.

Even when we started making more money, many of us had to learn that income and financial freedom are not the same thing.

Financial literacy is something many of us had to teach ourselves later in life. Not because our families didn’t care, but because many of them were also trying to survive with the knowledge they had.

Becoming Yourself Takes Time

One of the hardest parts of adulthood is realizing that you may not become the person you imagined at the exact time you thought you would.

You may not have the same goals anymore. You may not want the same life. You may not define happiness the same way. You may realize that some dreams were yours, while others were handed to you.

That does not mean you failed.

It means you are becoming honest.

Maybe the adult you thought you would become was based on what you saw growing up. Maybe it was based on what you lacked. Perhaps it was based on proving people wrong or on fear. Maybe it was based on survival.

But now, you get to ask yourself a different question.

Not, “Am I where I thought I would be?”

But, “Am I becoming someone I can live with?”

The Weight of Expectations

Black adulthood can come with a lot of unspoken pressure.

Be strong. Be successful. Take care of your family. Don’t embarrass anyone. Make good money. Be respectable. Be independent. Don’t complain. Don’t need too much. Don’t fall apart.

But what happens when you are tired?

What happens when you are doing everything you were told to do, but still feel empty? What happens when you have checked the boxes, but still do not feel free? What happens when the version of success you were chasing does not bring the peace you thought it would?

At some point, you have to give yourself permission to redefine your life.

You are allowed to want more than survival. You are allowed to want joy. You are allowed to want rest. You are allowed to want love. You are allowed to want softness. You are allowed to change your mind.

Are You Proud of Yourself?

Before you judge where you are, think about what it took for you to get here.

Think about what you survived. Reflect on the things you had to learn alone. Consider the moments nobody saw. Remember the times you kept going when you were tired, hurt, confused, or afraid.

Maybe you are not the adult you thought you would become.

But maybe you are stronger than you realized. Maybe you are wiser. Maybe you are more self-aware. Maybe you are finally learning how to choose yourself. Maybe you are finally becoming the adult you actually needed when you were younger.

That matters too.

Final Thoughts

Adulthood is not always what we imagined. It can be beautiful, disappointing, confusing, rewarding, painful, and freeing all at the same time.

The older we get, the more we understand that life is not just about becoming successful. It is about becoming whole. It is about unlearning what hurt us, honoring what helped us, and creating a life that feels honest.